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Here we are, closing out our second month of living here, and while time completely runs together it also seems to be escaping us. Our family is doing well, although very busy. Back home in Roseville, I would say I would end each day with about a 50-60% reserve of energy. My days didn’t knock the wind out of me, and I had enough consistent recharging time. Here, every day takes every single thing I’ve got. I have never been so perpetually tired in my life. I’m sure it’s a mixture of the heat, several bouts of sickness, the demands of our jobs here, the emotional toil of witnessing so much heartbreak every single day, and last but certainly not least-raising our children amongst it all. I do not want to complain, and yes we are set in a beautiful area along the Caribbean Sea, but oftentimes it is difficult to enjoy when we are so exhausted. One thing that I wasn’t really prepared for is being pulled on by nearly everyone who comes into contact with us. Here, there is no shame or hesitation in blatantly asking a white person for something from the moment they see you. It still catches me off guard because in my mind it seems so rude. Then I think, what if I were in their situation? Would I do the same? Probably. Our first two weeks here, I gave nearly all of our cash away. Hungry, skinny children were coming up asking me for any snacks I had in my purse. Moms asked me for money to help them finish the roof on their house because all they had shielding them from the scorching sun and the nighttime rain was a tattered blanket. One man has been working on finishing his home for the last 11 years. 11 years! And we could simply go to the ATM and his house would be done in a week. (I say “simply” like it’s simple, but securing a driver and finding an ATM that works here is often challenging). Obviously, I realized if we kept giving our money away though, we would not be able to stay here and serve, so as gut wrenching as it was, I had to pull back. I had to start saying no, and I had to start ignoring people who constantly hounded me, yelling at me and calling me selfish. It still breaks me down. But what else can we do? Yes we want to bless people. Yes we want to lighten their burdens-and we are-but that cannot be the solution to getting these people out of poverty. I’m not saying we know what the solution is, but simply handing them money has been done over and over again, and has proven to be overall ineffective. So for us, it’s keeping that big picture in mind, while still being sensitive to the needs and open to give when and where we are led. There is one worker where we live (there are dozens), but he is one out of only a handful of people who have never asked us for something. He comes to work, does his job, and has never slipped me a note or pulled me aside to ask for money. I waited. I thought it would only be a matter of time before he approached Tass or myself. I also noticed he was extremely attentive with our girls-going and getting ice on his own volition anytime they fell or got hurt, remembering their favorite drinks, or knowing that I always prefer ice water to anything else. Little things like that are small but showed me that he cares about doing a good job. Where we live, the workers make about $4 a day, which is more than most places in Haiti. Last week, I went up to him with a generous tip and I explained that this was precisely because he has never asked us for anything and because he does excellent work. I will never forget his face. The first month here, I realized in addition to all the other things on our plate, one of my main purposes for being here is to encourage and uplift the Haitian staff-to honor them, to bless them, to spend time with them and get to know about their families and their lives. I set out to know them each by name (that is definitely challenging!) and to continually be speaking value and life into them. They have already become family to me. We all live amongst each other so maybe that was inevitable, but I know if some crazy mob group entered our area, they would all have our backs. January and early February were pretty volatile times for Haiti with large protests every day, people being burned alive in the streets, cops whipping and beating teenagers, and so many other horrific things; but for now, things have died down. General elections have been postponed once again, and parliament has elected an interim President to oversee the new (hopefully fair) elections, scheduled for April 24. Last week, I did happen to meet the interim President. Our family was out in Petionville for a little getaway since it was finally somewhat safe for us to venture out. Tass had just taken the kids back to the room and I was finishing up the dinner bill at the bar. The President, along with his many bodyguards and press, exited one of the private rooms in the restaurant as he was on his way out. His guards were rushing him to the elevator but for some reason he stopped to speak with me. He asked me what I was doing in his country and then thanked me for coming and serving here. I do find it odd that we ended up meeting this way, instead of at a more likely family gathering (he is the cousin of the family that we live with). Nevertheless, I am grateful to have met him and I know that it is no accident he was elected to lead the country at this time, for however long that may be. We’ve got a few key people working hard on getting the electricity extended out here. It stops short just a few miles away because of some back door political deal the former President made that financially benefited him. Now that he is out of office, hopefully the deal he struck with the gas vendors is negated (everything out here is run on generators) and the people of Carries can have access to electricity that will literally change every aspect of their lives. Nothing is fast in Haiti though, so once again, patience is required. As our supporters, we want and hope to share as much as we can with you in this journey, but please know there as aspects that we cannot due to safety. For whatever reason, the family we have come to serve and partner with at Mission of Grace, at this time has been promoted and given favor in the political realm. It is not just one person, but several family members and Haitian politics can be very, very dangerous. There is law here, but it is so rarely obeyed, especially by those in power. If a decision in parliament is made that a group doesn’t like, someone may be hired to kill whoever made it. It sounds overly dramatic but it is just the reality of where we live. So please be in prayer for this family, and us, as decisions of integrity are being made for this country’s future in hopes of moving it forward. We currently have so many projects underway that it would fill a novel and continually keeps our heads spinning. It’s a good thing though. It is a good thing to have so much to do and so many teams coming to help push these projects forward. Our elderly home is very close to being done and once completed, some twenty-odd very lucky individuals will have some of the best end of life care in this country. The construction on the new school is making great progress (even for Haiti’s time table), and we have also adopted a “little orphanage.” For the last year or so, a kind man had been taking in orphans off the street and putting them in a small, but filthy home. About 13 kids were crammed into a tiny space with no beds and not much to eat. He was doing what he could and I pray he is blessed abundantly for it. Once we found out about them, we had the next team who were scheduled to come, go and build them bunk beds and bring them supplies. It is not really a part of “Mission of Grace” per say, but just an extension of how we desire to help in the community. The single moms' house is going well, although two of the young moms weren’t getting along so one was moved to the orphanage with her baby. There’s drama in every culture. I do love sitting with them though and talking to them. Yes, our lives are very different but we're all trying to raise our kids and give them the best that we can offer them. My desire is to figure out what each one is gifted in or what they enjoy doing. Do they like to do hair? Do they enjoy cooking? Are they gifted in organizational skills? Writing? I want to help them discover their natural abilities and then put them in that area within the mission and our community. If they enjoy cooking and have only cooked for 2, perhaps they can learn to cook for 50 by working in our community soup kitchen. Once they gain the experience, they can apply for a job within their expertise. Does anybody want to work? Not really. But it is a necessary part of life, so while we desire to help them and bless them, I do not want this arrangement to be a crutch for them. I want to empower them and give them hope for their lives. I have also started teaching piano and English with the older kids in the orphanage. Many of them have such a natural gift for music and I love drawing that out of them. Again, we thank you all for your support and encouragement as we keep walking out this wonderfully challenging journey. Despite the daily difficulties and frustrations, we are still so glad we came. As always, if anyone is interested in visiting, we would be so happy to have you. ‘Til next time, Sheena & family I can’t believe we have already been here a month. There is a weird dichotomy in that in the moment time seems to pass slowly, but looking back you wonder how it moved so quickly.
We are still trying to settle in to a routine, something that I don’t know if we will every truly achieve. Every day brings with it something new and unexpected. The need to be flexible is almost an understatement as you can’t really count on anything. This is not to say that people are unreliable, because they are. However, the needs and situations of the the day change so much as the day progresses, that whatever you planned does not often come to fruition. And so we roll with waves, take each day as it comes, and apply many more metaphors to daily life in Haiti. We have experienced a lot in this first month. From a large team, to a small team, to a week with no teams here at all. We were involved in completing a large project, installing the solar system in our new elderly home, and small repair and painting projects. There are some days where we have spent hours at the orphanage, and other days where the prospect of being bombarded by 70 kids is simply too overwhelming. Trying to accomplish anything online is nearly an exercise in futility. The slow connection speed is torturous enough in itself, but more often than not as soon as we get in to any kind of a work flow the power goes out taking the wifi with it. As a result, I have been working on updating Mission of Grace’s website for nearly 3 weeks and have not made much progress. However, I am determined to improve our ability to access the internet, and so hopefully before too long this will no longer be an ongoing frustration. The girls have really turned a corner. Twice last week they chose to stay at the orphanage without us for a couple hours. This is huge for a couple of reasons. One they feel more secure and connected with the kids here, and two we had a couple of kid free hours! They still miss home, as we all do, but this is stating to feel like home too. Homeschooling is still a bit of a challenge. Both the girls are great students, but establishing the discipline of sitting down to do the work everyday has been hard. We have all wanted to give up on school more than once. The other great challenge has been the language barrier. Sheena has picked up Creole very well, and so she has been able to communicate much better than the rest of us. This has been a factor for the girls as it’s hard to make friends when you can’t really talk to each other. Hopefully this is a wall that will quickly be broken down the more time we spend here. Many of you may have heard or read of the unrest in Haiti over the past few weeks. This is all centered around the presidential runoff election, which has been postponed twice now. Ongoing protests have at times turned violent in other parts of the country. Where we are is very calm and quiet. In fact we would not even be aware of any issues if we did not read about them online. You can all be rest assured that we are safe and secure within our walled compound, guarded by armed security. Thank you for continuing to follow us on this journey. If you are on instagram we invite you to follow @sheenasouza as well as @missionofgrace. That will help provide some visual insight into what our life is like on a daily basis. We are being stretched and grown in many ways, and we know that when we look back on this experience, despite the hardships, we will all be better people and have a greater understanding of who God is, and how He wants to work in our lives. First off, we are all doing very very well and we love it here. We purchased an address in Florida with a company that makes private flights to Haiti every Thursday. They will deliver letters for free and packages cost us $1.60 per pound to receive. Once they go through customs, they are then sent to the company’s private hanger, where someone contacts us and lets us know it’s ready for pickup. We then send a driver to Port-au-Prince (1 hour away) to pick up our things. I had a few things shipped using this company before we moved here and it all went smoothly and took about 2 weeks all said and done. If anyone would like to send the girls or us letters, snacks!! (protein bars, etc), or anything else we would welcome that :) Sheena Souza 3170 Airmans Dr. #2060 MOG Ft. Pierce, FL 34946 Our first week here has been great. We are all settled into our home, we got our Haiti phone numbers and internet set up. Normally there is not electricity during the day where we live so wifi doesn’t work then, but we are trying to work it out to where we have it on for a couple of hours in the morning that way the girls can do some of their schooling online (as well as keep the fans going so their little brains keep working :) We have A/C at night which is something we all look forward to every day :) Our little bungalow is maybe 50 yards from the ocean. I have always wanted to live on the beach, but never in my wildest dreams think it would be Haiti. I have been working in the pharmacy clinic this week, shadowing a gal who is leaving in a few days. The prescriptions get handed to us and then we fill them and tell the patients who are waiting how to take them. Probably the biggest challenge is reading the doctor’s handwriting lol. It’s true. I’m not sure if the schedule will allow me to continue doing that a few times a week or not (because they are open in the mornings but I home school the girls in the mornings), but I love being in the clinic. Today, we had a young boy, about 10, walk all by himself to get his finger checked out. It was severely swollen with tons of fluid build up. He had probably gotten bit at night by something a few days prior and it just wasn’t taken care of properly. They needed to drain the fluid out of his finger, but they needed to give him lidocaine first. Poor little guy was screaming and crying he was in so much pain. I was holding his hand and at one point just had to hold him down as the doctor sliced his finger open. I asked the doctor to wait a little longer for the lidocaine to take affect (and they did give him a lot) but the boy could still feel everything. The doctor wasn’t convinced he could feel anything so he just continued on. I felt for the little guy….I can be swimming in lidocaine too and it doesn’t do a thing for me. It has just never numbed me very well. As he was screaming and crying I locked eyes with the boy, just held his hand and started singing and that seemed to calm him down. I told him it would be over soon and that he was being so brave. There are moments when you have to be strong for kids, but I was definitely holding back tears. Most everyone in the room was. One thing that had me slightly worried was when a patient’s name would get called because their meds were ready, people are so desperate for medicine and help….any medicine….that they would just say they were whoever’s name we just called. One of the workers would ask again and make sure, and they would just lie and say they were the person. There’s no way for us to verify it’s really them! There are so many people at the clinic, it can be loud and crazy, babies screaming, etc. We decided that we need to ask them their age (to verify against what we have on their chart) as a way to try to make sure it’s really the patient. Just the whole ordeal had me a little panicked: people getting the wrong medication, wrong dosage, and it ultimately not helping them because they don’t understand not all medicine is the same. There is an American nurse who has been working in the clinic for about 2 months and she has some great ideas on how to improve the system there and make it run more efficiently. I am really glad she is there. In Haiti, if you have the education of a nurse in the states, you are essentially a doctor here. Tass’ role is still being figured out. There are several ideas on where to place him and what to hand him and we are just waiting direction on that. The two women here running this organization & ministry are very understanding that we are a young family and that as a mother, my priority is my girls. Tass will be doing most of the helping and serving, but we tell the girls every day we all play a role. Tass reminds them each morning, “be thinking about how you can help someone today”. Our girls love going up to the orphanage. We do that everyday with them. Ellie loves the babies and toddlers. Lilah has a few buddies, and I gravitate to the older kids. I am building relationships with each pre-teen there…we are teaching each other Creole & English and I just love spending time with them. There is something special about each one and I can’t wait to get to know each of them more. One of the biggest adjustments has probably been food schedule. Back home, the girls and I are used to snacking throughout the day….eating maybe 5-6 small meals. With the 2 abdominal surgeries I’ve had, I legitimately can’t each large meals otherwise I am in a lot of pain. Here, there are 2-3 large meals per day. So trying to get our bodies to adjust to that has been a little difficult. We’ll try to eat as much as we can, but then a few hours later are starving. Or we’ll be up at night hungry. Hopefully we can get out to a market soon and find some snacks for our room, but in the mean time it’s been a little challenging. But each time one of us complains that we’re hungry, I try to remind myself or the girls to just look across the street and remember that most of them haven’t eaten even half of what we have. Let’s see….what else….my parents dropped us off and helped us get settled which was a huge blessing. They are planning to come back in March. Voxer works great here so we stay in contact that way and are also able to text between iphones over internet. Ultimately we just want to come alongside this organization here and help advance their efforts in the community. A new school is being built…three times the size of what they have now I believe, and they are also hoping to finally put the roof on the new elderly home by spring. Having 4 walls up of your own space is great, but a roof makes all the difference with the sun. Please pray for the funds to complete that for these elderly men and women. Everyday I come across something that shocks me, excites me, saddens me, makes me nervous, makes me happy, hopeful, etc. It’s a lot of emotions all at once, and I hope that I don’t become accustomed or numb to things the longer that I am here. Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement, and for those that are keeping us here by supporting us monthly. It means the world that we are able to be here and help this community. What a privilege it is to be called to Haiti. I know many would love to be able to be here and help serve but not everyone is in a position to be able to just pick up and go. We are grateful that we have the privilege to be able to do just that. We will update as often as we can xxoo Sheena Thirty-four days. Less than 5 weeks. Isn't it funny how the same duration of time can seem short or long based upon the anticipation or dread we feel about a certain date or certain even?. Even more puzzling is the conflicting emotions that come when that same period of time seems both short and long, or you're experiencing both anticipation and sadness. We've waited five long months, and still have one more before we are finally in Haiti, but the amount of time we have left to enjoy with family and friends (and Chipotle) seems so short. We are doing the best we can to make the most of every opportunity we have.
So much has gone on in the past two months, and there is so much to do in the one month we have remaining at home. At the end of September my time of employment at The Rock of Roseville officially came to a close. I had been on staff there for over eight years, and so much of our lives are intertwined in the fabric of The Rock. It's the only church our girls have ever known. Ellie was born 1 week after I started working there. I had expected there to be a fair amount of anxiety and/or detachment issues, on both sides, but amazingly I experienced very little. I take that as further confirmation that this next step in our journey is right, and good, and where we are supposed to be. In October we held a fundraising dinner to raise support for our trip. It was a fun evening with family and friends, and even though I hate asking for money, and did a terrible job in presenting, the love, grace, and generosity of everyone there allowed us to reach our initial goal of $10,500. We cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has given to support us. So many of you have responded to our request to join us in this journey and we are so so so grateful. We currently have a little over half of what our ongoing expenses in Haiti will be covered by monthly commitments and we are so very grateful for everyone who has pledged to support us monthly. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. I was a little concerned about our income during the remainder of this year, but as it turns out, that was unfounded.. During this journey I have held to the belief that God was the one that called us to go to Haiti, and that therefore He would be responsible to provide as long as we were obedient and answered the call. He has done that in so many ways. From freelance work, to starting my own business, to people generously choosing to support us in this journey, we have had every need met, and then some. Right before Thanksgiving we were blessed with a family trip to Disneyland with Sheena's sister and her family. Our kids had a blast with their cousins running around the busiest place on earth. They are definitely going to miss each other while we are away. And so, over the next few weeks we will continue to pack up our lives, spend time with family and friends, enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, and spirit of Christmas, take advantage of every opportunity to be COLD, and eat lots and lots of Chipotle. Tass My favorite season is upon us. I love the crisp cold air in the mornings and sitting out on our front porch at night sipping on some fireball. I love when it gets dark a bit earlier. Cloudy skies and minor chords. There’s a remote possibility that I’m as melancholy as they come. My husband and father are bound for Haiti tomorrow evening and to be honest, I am jealous. Sad. I feel like my body is here, enjoying all the amenities of a country that I am extremely thankful for; but my heart is with the people of Haiti. The last couple of weeks have been some of the best and worst I have experienced in a while. After the mudslide, my heart broke even more for the community of Carries. “Why can’t these people get a break?!!” I asked God. Then, everything in me wanted to run down there with my dad and husband. I wanted to be there for them, help clean, make meals, paint, rebuild, whatever they needed. BUT, as much as I am a big advocate of physically going and serving, in this instance, I realized it was way more beneficial for them if I just sent the money that I would have used to get myself down there. In this situation, the thing they needed most was funds to continue feeding the community. That, and strong men. As hard as it is, I am staying put. Taking care of my kiddos here and bidding farewell to two men I highly respect and am so proud of. Tass and my dad already had a trip planned for October. My father wanted to go down and check the country out-see where his daughter and family would be living, and also move some of our things down (due to the recent policy change in baggage allowance). After hurricane Erika though, they quickly changed their tickets and moved up their trip. This past year I’ve really gotten familiar with the term bitter-sweet. Before, sure, you go through moments in life where you experience that term. Moments. This whole year I have felt those simultaneous opposing feelings. I am excited for Tass and my dad to go together. I know my dad will fall in love with the country just as we have. My heart sighs in relief knowing they’re bringing bins and bins of supplies down for the people. I know staples like toothpaste and deodorant run out, but at least some will be given a fresh supply. As sad as I am not to be there and hug the people, I am happy my men are going. Last night, my daughter was getting ready for bed and I said, “Honey I don’t know if we told you or not but daddy and Grandpa Andy are leaving in a couple days for Haiti so they’ll be gone for awhile”. She looks up at me, and with a solemn face and sad little eyes she replies, “Lucky.” Apparently she wanted to go just as much as I did. I realized in that moment that I could not breed into her a love for Haiti. Even if I wanted to or tried, it is not something that can be forced or coerced. It’s either something you fall in love with, or it’s not your thing. To each his own. We all have our own callings and purposes in life. But I am grateful to see how our hearts continue to be knit together as a family, for Haiti. And I am so grateful for the love and support our family and friends have shown us these past few months. I feel strengthened by it. I know people are for us. My tough, self-sufficient side of the family has turned into a bunch of cry babies as we get together, lean in on each other, thank God for the time we have left together and look forward to what He’s doing in each of our lives. May we all do the same. Sheena And so it begins. This month now stands as a signpost that will mark a change of course that will forever impact our lives.
We got back from our family trip to Haiti on Thursday May 7th, and after a very full weekend of events, church services, and Mother's Day, I began having a series of conversations with key people. First up was Pastor Bob Hasty. Bob was one of the first people from The Rock to meet Kim and get connected with Mission of Grace. He has led close to 10 teams to Haiti over the past 3 years, including the ones Sheena and I have been on. Bob has been closely involved in our discussions and wonderings throughout this process, and so this first meeting was really just to say "yep, we're pretty sure we're doing this." The next day I met with Kenny Wahlberg, another Elder and leader at The Rock, and also my friend and direct report. We have had conversations in the past that hinted at this, and so he was not really surprised either. We mostly discussed logistics, expectations, and realities. The following day I had an appointment with Pastor John Houghton, another Elder at The Rock who is a professional life coach. The appointment had been set before our family trip, and my original intention of that meeting was to discuss ways I could grow and improve in my current job. Instead it centered around this upcoming transition, and the planning and thought processes required for us to go through it. Immediately following that appointment we had the big one. Meeting with Pastor Francis Anfuso, the founding and Co-Senior Pastor at The Rock. Over the years Pastor Francis and I have worked very closely together on many projects, and in a variety of situations. He has seen me at my best, my worst, and everything in between. We were not nervous about this meeting (although Sheena always feels the need to iron her clothes anytime we have a meeting with PF), but there is always a level of wondering and insecurity when having a conversation of this nature with a person we have so much respect for. Pastor Francis' life message includes the practice of something that is much easier said that done, and that is to respond well in every situation. He does it better than anyone I have ever encountered. However, in this situation, at least from our perspective, he was a step even beyond that. Initially, we did not even have the opportunity to present our story for him to respond to. No sooner had the door to his office closed and he began to cry. He knew why we called the meeting, and while it is not unusual for him to be emotional, it was amazing and reassuring to see that he saw God in this as well. In his words he "could not see or think of a more beautiful transition for our family"-those words, coming from him, mean more to me than probably anything anyone else could say. We also met with Sheena's parents shortly after this. They had known of our desire all along but we had dinner with them to discuss details and plans. Again, another very fruitful and encouraging conversation. I know Sheena was immensely blessed by the full support of her parents and their sheer enthusiasm for us as a family. I think Sheena teared up inside when her father said, "I'd like to go to Haiti ahead of time with Tass in September just to check it out and make sure it's a suitable place for my daughter to live". That is dedication and support beyond what we ever could have asked or hoped for. Her parents also plan to make the journey with us this January and "drop us off" so to speak. I also had a conversation with my mother. She is very close to our girls and always has been, and while there was some sadness, I know she was initially very grateful that this first term will only be for 6 months. And so with our plans and intent being known and supported by the leadership of our home church and our families, we now feel the freedom to share our story and plan with the world. May 2015. I know we will look back on this month often in the weeks and years ahead with joy and gratitude. The month that changed everything. And I'm sure there will be times of hardship and possibly doubt, but right now-the road ahead is filled with excitement, hope, and promise. For now we look ahead. Tass |